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smiles and grunts.....................

Mama Mangia

Mama Mangia

Super Moderator
A DAY AT TECH SUPPORT

Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support : OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah....
Tech support : And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support : Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

===============

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer : A white one...

===============

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support : That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No . wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support : Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

Tech support : Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer : Hello... I can't print.
Tech support : Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

===============

Customer : I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah...................thank you.

===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support : Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support : Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support : That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work

===============

Tech support : Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

===============

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support : OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer : Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

===============

And last but not least:....

Tech support : "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support : "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
 
WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN


AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY

Monday, Jan. 30, 2007

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day
 
WATER OR COKE?
Eye Opening Information!


This is really an eye opener.... Water or Coke? We all know that water is important but I've never seen it written down like this before.

WATER

1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.
2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that
it is often mistaken for hunger.
3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as
much as 3%.
4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for
almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington
study.
5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a
day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80%
of sufferers.
7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term
memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the
computer screen or on a printed page.
8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon
cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%,
and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.

And now for the properties of COKE:

1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two
gallons of Coke in the truck to remove blood from the highway
after a car accident.
2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke and it will be
gone in two days.
3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet
bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean.
The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous China.
4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the
bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum
foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can
of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in
Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the
baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty
minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing
the drippings to mix with the Coke for sumptuous brown gravy.
8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into
a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a
regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.
9. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

For Your Info:

1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid.
Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.
Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is
a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis
2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the
commercial truck must use the Hazardous material place
cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.
3. The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean the
engines of their trucks for about 20 years!

Now the question is... Would you like a Coke or a glass of Water?
Have A Great Day and Share It With Others!
 
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.
"What are you doing in there?"
she asked.

The rabbit replied:
"This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?",
to which the lady replied
"Yes."
"Well," the rabbit said,


"I'm westing."

Now, groan for a few seconds






Subject: What can we eat?

Can't eat beef ... Mad Cow

Can't eat chicken ... Bird flu

Can't eat eggs ... Salmonella

Can't eat pork ... trichinosis

Can't eat fish ... Mercury and other heavy metals

Can! 't eat f ruits and veggies ... insecticides and herbicides

Hmmmmmmmmm!

M

M

M

M

M

M
I believe that leaves Chocolate!
Remember - - - "STRESSED" spelled backwards is ..

"DESSERTS"
 
LOL!! Those are great. I like the 1st one. I definately wouldn't be able to be a tech person.
 
Those are hilarious! I can't even imagine some of the things tech support would go through on a daily basis - lol!

Winter classes for men? Lol. Sounds like something my husband needs to take! :p :D
 
Mama Mangia said:
WATER OR COKE?

WATER

1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.
2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that
it is often mistaken for hunger.
3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as
much as 3%.
4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for
almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington
study.
5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a
day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80%
of sufferers.
7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term
memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the
computer screen or on a printed page.
8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon
cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%,
and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
Click to expand...


I've often wondered if this is my problem sometimes. I am going to definitely start drinking more water.
 
scary isn't it!!!

Coke is great for upset tummies (flat coke that is) and I was hooked on coke for several months after an accident - it was the only thing that kept my stomach on the "inactive" side.

But I find that water is better - at the time though - water made me sick. Glad I can drink water again.
 
Neither would I - but I would make a great customer!!! lmafrotfl!!!!
Click to expand...

LOL! Fortunately I know my way around a computer pretty well. I've hardly ever had to call support. :)
 
Water for me. Years of playing racquetball and softball - I have always kept water close by. Drinking any type of soda or tea only made me more thirsty. Same goes for beer. But, the beer tasted better after playing racquetball...
;-)
Preferred distalled bottled water. Since moving here to NC - the city water is terrible. THinking about having it tested..but too scared to find out what the results will be.
Still need my daily glass of pepsi at home, will drink out and about.


Corine
 
I should drink more water; but I never do... Of course, I can go all day without drinking anything, so that's just as bad as drinking a Coke, if not worse. I try to remember to drink something but I get busy with something & totally forget about it.
 
There was a doctor on TV several years ago and he said that most women get so busy that they actually do not drink enough of anything! Our bodies need the water and we are not doing it any good by depriving it and dehydrating it. It's funny how we are - being able to go without something to drink all day and men are the complete opposite.
 
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