The Ironic Chef
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Wow..... Friendships don't come before family.
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County Jail
- Thread starter jglass
- Start date
chubbyalaskagriz
New member
Jezuz Khrizt, janie- pardon my French, all- but dang I feel for you.
Golly.
You are in the middle of this in so many ways. Your hubby is blind and cannot drive- so YOU have to. You want no part of taking this dude to get stocked up on the stuff that's causing problems and feel like you're contributing to the problems- and also make you feel like you're lying and going against the wishes of those you care for, but at the same time, you feel a duty to Jon- who in turn, feels a duty to his friend.
UGH.
I wouldn't want to be in this crazy, sticky mess either. I understand your dilemma and empathize w/ you for sure. Hang in there, dear. You'll be in my thoughts. Ugh!
Golly.
You are in the middle of this in so many ways. Your hubby is blind and cannot drive- so YOU have to. You want no part of taking this dude to get stocked up on the stuff that's causing problems and feel like you're contributing to the problems- and also make you feel like you're lying and going against the wishes of those you care for, but at the same time, you feel a duty to Jon- who in turn, feels a duty to his friend.
UGH.
I wouldn't want to be in this crazy, sticky mess either. I understand your dilemma and empathize w/ you for sure. Hang in there, dear. You'll be in my thoughts. Ugh!
Cook Chatty Cathy
New member
In Al-Anon I learned to "Let go & Let God", you, Jon, this dude's folks NO-ONE can make him stop he has a disease and it causes alcoholics to lie, cheat, do anything and everything to get that almighty alcohol fix. You must for your own good use a method called "healthy Detachment", just detach from this sick person and his sickness... if you must withdraw from the whole scene all-together you just must FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!!!
The state of mind this alcoholic is in makes him not give a rats-ass about sh** (not anyone or anything) except the next drink, and how he can obtain it. Please Janie for your well-being just back away completely. Let Jon, his folks and whomever else deal with this guy and be his enablers. Put your foot down and don't allow it to be your problem any longer! He is sick, if you continue to get wrapped up in his drama and bull**it it will drag you down, as you are beginning to experience. I am not trying to sound mean or nasty, just realistic and honest. I know from 1st hand experience these drunks are some sick son-of-a-bit**es! You don't need your life affected by his disease any longer!!!!
You deserve better sweet lady!
The state of mind this alcoholic is in makes him not give a rats-ass about sh** (not anyone or anything) except the next drink, and how he can obtain it. Please Janie for your well-being just back away completely. Let Jon, his folks and whomever else deal with this guy and be his enablers. Put your foot down and don't allow it to be your problem any longer! He is sick, if you continue to get wrapped up in his drama and bull**it it will drag you down, as you are beginning to experience. I am not trying to sound mean or nasty, just realistic and honest. I know from 1st hand experience these drunks are some sick son-of-a-bit**es! You don't need your life affected by his disease any longer!!!!
You deserve better sweet lady!
Bubba707
New member
Here is something that helps me through things.
The Facts Of Life
Life is not fair.
No one is exempt from death.
Physics rules the universe and biology rules life.
The universe does not care.
The only constant in life is change.
There is always a choice.
Wishing never makes it so.
A person can't exceed their limits.
A person is responsible for their own happiness.
It is impossible to change the character of another.
The Facts Of Life
Life is not fair.
No one is exempt from death.
Physics rules the universe and biology rules life.
The universe does not care.
The only constant in life is change.
There is always a choice.
Wishing never makes it so.
A person can't exceed their limits.
A person is responsible for their own happiness.
It is impossible to change the character of another.
jglass
New member
I appreciate the support guys. I needed it lol.
You know since I met Jon I have tried to make the world more accessible and enjoyed doing so. I have always tried to just kind of be an accessibility option for Jon when it comes to driving. He loved driving so much and thats actually how he lost his site. He had a car wreck. This situation with his friend has been the first time we have had an issue when it comes to the car.
I was angry at his friend for tricking us last time. I was angry that when he called he just assumed we would be ok with doing it again when he knew Jon had promised his Dad we wouldnt. I felt like I had betrayed two elderly people who had been nothing but kind to me. I felt like I was letting Jon down. I felt like I should just shut it and do what ever Jon says. Then I felt ticked cause his buddy was putting me in the situation.
I understand how his folks feel. They dont want to push him enough til he leaves cause then they dont know what will happen to him. His Dad has already had one bad heart attack a few years ago and is worrying himself sick over this. From now on Jon can deal how ever he wants with him. Im having nothing to say about it one way or the other. Like he said he has been his friend since highschool. I have only known them a few years.
You know since I met Jon I have tried to make the world more accessible and enjoyed doing so. I have always tried to just kind of be an accessibility option for Jon when it comes to driving. He loved driving so much and thats actually how he lost his site. He had a car wreck. This situation with his friend has been the first time we have had an issue when it comes to the car.
I was angry at his friend for tricking us last time. I was angry that when he called he just assumed we would be ok with doing it again when he knew Jon had promised his Dad we wouldnt. I felt like I had betrayed two elderly people who had been nothing but kind to me. I felt like I was letting Jon down. I felt like I should just shut it and do what ever Jon says. Then I felt ticked cause his buddy was putting me in the situation.
I understand how his folks feel. They dont want to push him enough til he leaves cause then they dont know what will happen to him. His Dad has already had one bad heart attack a few years ago and is worrying himself sick over this. From now on Jon can deal how ever he wants with him. Im having nothing to say about it one way or the other. Like he said he has been his friend since highschool. I have only known them a few years.
Cook Chatty Cathy
New member
****Ditto!!!******
jglass
New member
Well we went out to his friends yesterday to encrypt his wireless dsl. This guy has had his license back for a couple of months now when he lost them for DUI. Right under his computer desk was half a case of beer and a 30 gallon garbage bag full of empty crushed beer cans was behind his chair. He went to the kitchen and I told Jon about it and he just shook his head. Then a few minutes later his Dad comes by and leans over and tells Jon how proud he is of his son and that he hasnt drank in months. I didnt say a word and Jon looks at me and goes ..show him. So I pulled the half case out from under the desk where I was working and showed him the huge bag of empty cans. There were also about 10 collapsed empty case cartons under there.
You could read several expressions flash across his Dad's face. Shock, disappointment, worry, embarassment cause he had fooled him again and a little anger. It wont be long before he is right back behind the wheel again at this rate.
You could read several expressions flash across his Dad's face. Shock, disappointment, worry, embarassment cause he had fooled him again and a little anger. It wont be long before he is right back behind the wheel again at this rate.
chubbyalaskagriz
New member
So sad, janie... My heart really goes out.
I think I've shared w/ you all in the past my family's struggle w/ my brother. Craig's been a troubled soul and a low-achiever all his life. Was a scrawny kid. Hit puberty- got huge, worked-out, excelled at sports and got mean- also developed a huge chip on his shoulder. Always angry and loud. What a dangerous combo! Anyway- got kicked out of the Army. Was homeless bouncing around from job-to-job. Never paid rent or a bill in his life. Mean to the women he was with. Served 3 years at the Iowa State Penitentiary. Then 7 years. Got out last Sept. Called constantly for money. Got kicked out of shelters and missions. Stopped calling. We knew this was a sign that he was likely locked-up again. We searched for weeks online for any indication or news. Finally found the post at this link:
Polk County Arrest & Jail Information
My brother- we're SO PROUD. (UGH!)
Truth is- I really feel for Craig. I love him, but I don't like him. He's not nice. He's troubled- and much contributes to this- it's not all his fault. You know my Mom's history of mental illness- and that likely plays a part in it for Craig, too. But it IS his responsbility to OWN it and CHANGE it. As his family we've tried everything. But the bottom line is, we wish for him a better life than he seems to want for himself. He feels the world OWES him.
He never shared w/ us the things he did to get locked-up the first 2 times. But as the posting at the link above shares, he's got 3 serious charges against him this time, and the jailer Dad spoke w/ claims he could get 60 years this time. My most positive thought about my brother's current situation is, at least now he can't hurt anyone innocent. If he commits violence against someone in prison, at least the liklihood that's it's an innocent person is low. AND at least in prison, he's likely having all his most basic needs met- like food, a roof over his head, and a shirt on his back. I know it's a mere existance, but on the outside I don't think he stands a chance. I wish far better for him- I only wish he did too.
Anyway- I try to live with that wise, charitable attitude: "There but for the grace of God go I." But it's hard... I always maintain contact w/ him when he's locked-up, 'cause I know it's important to have some sort of positive connection to someone. But sadly, everytime he gets out, he stops all manner of attempting to remain in touch. I'll write him again this time too, after his trial- which, surely he'll be found guilty. But if he's sent up the river for 60 years, the tone of my letters will definitely be different than the last times. Before I was always like "Well, look on the bright side- you'll be out in just 12 more months..." But this time? Lordy! Oh well...
CHOICES. They're a GREAT thing, and an AWFUL thing. Thanks for letting me share, dear friends! (Didn't mean to hi-jack your thread, janie, dear! )
I think I've shared w/ you all in the past my family's struggle w/ my brother. Craig's been a troubled soul and a low-achiever all his life. Was a scrawny kid. Hit puberty- got huge, worked-out, excelled at sports and got mean- also developed a huge chip on his shoulder. Always angry and loud. What a dangerous combo! Anyway- got kicked out of the Army. Was homeless bouncing around from job-to-job. Never paid rent or a bill in his life. Mean to the women he was with. Served 3 years at the Iowa State Penitentiary. Then 7 years. Got out last Sept. Called constantly for money. Got kicked out of shelters and missions. Stopped calling. We knew this was a sign that he was likely locked-up again. We searched for weeks online for any indication or news. Finally found the post at this link:
Polk County Arrest & Jail Information
My brother- we're SO PROUD. (UGH!)
Truth is- I really feel for Craig. I love him, but I don't like him. He's not nice. He's troubled- and much contributes to this- it's not all his fault. You know my Mom's history of mental illness- and that likely plays a part in it for Craig, too. But it IS his responsbility to OWN it and CHANGE it. As his family we've tried everything. But the bottom line is, we wish for him a better life than he seems to want for himself. He feels the world OWES him.
He never shared w/ us the things he did to get locked-up the first 2 times. But as the posting at the link above shares, he's got 3 serious charges against him this time, and the jailer Dad spoke w/ claims he could get 60 years this time. My most positive thought about my brother's current situation is, at least now he can't hurt anyone innocent. If he commits violence against someone in prison, at least the liklihood that's it's an innocent person is low. AND at least in prison, he's likely having all his most basic needs met- like food, a roof over his head, and a shirt on his back. I know it's a mere existance, but on the outside I don't think he stands a chance. I wish far better for him- I only wish he did too.
Anyway- I try to live with that wise, charitable attitude: "There but for the grace of God go I." But it's hard... I always maintain contact w/ him when he's locked-up, 'cause I know it's important to have some sort of positive connection to someone. But sadly, everytime he gets out, he stops all manner of attempting to remain in touch. I'll write him again this time too, after his trial- which, surely he'll be found guilty. But if he's sent up the river for 60 years, the tone of my letters will definitely be different than the last times. Before I was always like "Well, look on the bright side- you'll be out in just 12 more months..." But this time? Lordy! Oh well...
CHOICES. They're a GREAT thing, and an AWFUL thing. Thanks for letting me share, dear friends! (Didn't mean to hi-jack your thread, janie, dear!
)
jglass
New member
I remember when you told me he had gotten out but I didn't know he was in trouble again. I'm so sorry Hon.
My oldest brother is on the run right now. He has warrants issued for him in Grayson and several other couties. Last I heard he was hiding out in a motel just over the bridge on the Ohio side. I stopped having anything to do with him ages ago but my other brother still does. He is a manipulative waste of space. He isnt a violent offender. He is a chronic bad check writer. Has been since he was 17. Now he is in hid late 40's.
You should have heard Jon's friend lecturing me on using healty ingredients cause your body is what you put into it lol. I was like uh ..yeah your liquid diet is real good for your body.
My oldest brother is on the run right now. He has warrants issued for him in Grayson and several other couties. Last I heard he was hiding out in a motel just over the bridge on the Ohio side. I stopped having anything to do with him ages ago but my other brother still does. He is a manipulative waste of space. He isnt a violent offender. He is a chronic bad check writer. Has been since he was 17. Now he is in hid late 40's.
You should have heard Jon's friend lecturing me on using healty ingredients cause your body is what you put into it lol. I was like uh ..yeah your liquid diet is real good for your body.
It sounds as if you are between the devil and the deep blue sea and I do feel compassion for you as a close relative of mine is an alcoholic. She has been dried out in clinics 3 times now binging for the fourth time.
I don't want to seem pious but my husband and I drink very little. I might have half a glass of wine with Christmas lunch and I did have half a glass of champagne when my son moved into his new home earlier in the year. I have no gripe with people having a drink and being merry. It is just not for me.
I feel compassion for drunks but not for drunken drivers. I believe it is an illness like everything else but to intentionally get into a car knowing full well they are not only over the limit but to drunk to walk and talk properly. They are driving a lethal weapon for goodness sake.
The Criminal Justice System is quite strict on drunken drivers in the UK. It is almost automatic for a year ban, sometimes 2 years, a year in prison and a very hefty fine. Of course it is difficult to get car insurance after a person has been found guilty, even if they can the premiums are through the roof.
In the UK an alcoholic can claim invalidity benefit from the state if they a have been diagnosed as an alcoholic by a psychiatrist. I also believe but not sure, that they get all their prescriptions free. They also get extra benefit to feed their habit, which I think is not the right way to go about it, but there you are I don't make the rules here.
It is a dreadful disease, it ruins not only one life but every other life it touches, never mind how slightly.
I hope that your chum can pull himself together and become dry, otherwise his life is wasted, but by what you have said it sounds highly unlikely.
I don't want to seem pious but my husband and I drink very little. I might have half a glass of wine with Christmas lunch and I did have half a glass of champagne when my son moved into his new home earlier in the year. I have no gripe with people having a drink and being merry. It is just not for me.
I feel compassion for drunks but not for drunken drivers. I believe it is an illness like everything else but to intentionally get into a car knowing full well they are not only over the limit but to drunk to walk and talk properly. They are driving a lethal weapon for goodness sake.
The Criminal Justice System is quite strict on drunken drivers in the UK. It is almost automatic for a year ban, sometimes 2 years, a year in prison and a very hefty fine. Of course it is difficult to get car insurance after a person has been found guilty, even if they can the premiums are through the roof.
In the UK an alcoholic can claim invalidity benefit from the state if they a have been diagnosed as an alcoholic by a psychiatrist. I also believe but not sure, that they get all their prescriptions free. They also get extra benefit to feed their habit, which I think is not the right way to go about it, but there you are I don't make the rules here.
It is a dreadful disease, it ruins not only one life but every other life it touches, never mind how slightly.
I hope that your chum can pull himself together and become dry, otherwise his life is wasted, but by what you have said it sounds highly unlikely.
jglass
New member
The US could learn a lot from the UK on both their judical system when dealing with drunk drivers and definately when it comes to medical care and coverage.
The only thing at this point that concerns me is that he will get back behind the wheel and the stress he puts on his folks who are good people. No one dererves to be hurt or killed because of his addiction. His Mama is the adorable little Thai woman. She followed me to the car the other night giving me garlic from her garden plus half a big watermelon and mint. Super sweet lady.
The only thing at this point that concerns me is that he will get back behind the wheel and the stress he puts on his folks who are good people. No one dererves to be hurt or killed because of his addiction. His Mama is the adorable little Thai woman. She followed me to the car the other night giving me garlic from her garden plus half a big watermelon and mint. Super sweet lady.
chubbyalaskagriz
New member
Keziah, I share many of your views regarding alcohol. It perplexes me and I am torn. On the one hand, I myself don't NEED it. I go months (maybe YEARS) without it. Never can even complete two drinks when I do partake. (Funny- my friends laugh at me and call me a "light-weight"! I can drink ONE beer- maybe start a second one, but can never finsih it.) And then others are SO plagued by it they need it constantly. It's a difficult thing to fathom. Intellectually I know it's a disease, and not being a vicitim to the disease is a blessing. And those who are victimized by the disease cannot help it. But still, I always revert back to that thought of personal responsibility. I try not to judge... but it's so difficult. Everyone in an acoholic's life is dreadfully affected by the illness- and also many unwilling strangers- such a tragedy.
I am one who is obese- very overweight, so one would think I could better empathize w/ the factors surrounding addicition and alcoholism. I guess these shortcomings are just personal flaws that I must try to better work at.
I am one who is obese- very overweight, so one would think I could better empathize w/ the factors surrounding addicition and alcoholism. I guess these shortcomings are just personal flaws that I must try to better work at.
jglass
New member
I have no problem what so ever with someone drinking. I buy Jon and six pack of his favorite beer occasionally and I love the taste of Amaretto liqueur. In the winter I sometimes add peppermint schnapps or amaretto to my hot chocolate. They are good in milkshakes to lol
Check out my fridge and you would think I drank. One shelf is lined with sherry, red wine, pinot grigio & chardonnay.
Check out my fridge and you would think I drank. One shelf is lined with sherry, red wine, pinot grigio & chardonnay.
Very occasionally during the winter I will have a marshmallow and Tia Maria hot chocolate drink. (Ah Yum and very warming)
I would like to know what turns a heavy social drinker into an alcoholic? There must be something? In my professional working life I have come across many people who have had to give up alcohol for health reasons and have had no trouble stopping the consumption of alcohol. I often wonder what causes the actual addiction, when is the point of no return?
Also I hate to contradict but you can't possibly equate being fat to being an alcoholic.
Your have to eat, you do not have to drink alcohol or take illegal drugs. The problem is over eating, that is the diffuculty.
Can you imagine how difficult it would be to tell an alcoholic you can drink but only 3 small drinks a day, or telling a heroin addict you can only have a small amount of your drug. They would never give it up.
If fat people could give up food completely and stay alive, there would be no fat people. The trouble is human beings need food to convert to sugars to stay alive. There is no one solution because every person is different. Each person has to find his/her own way.
I would like to know what turns a heavy social drinker into an alcoholic? There must be something? In my professional working life I have come across many people who have had to give up alcohol for health reasons and have had no trouble stopping the consumption of alcohol. I often wonder what causes the actual addiction, when is the point of no return?
Also I hate to contradict but you can't possibly equate being fat to being an alcoholic.
Your have to eat, you do not have to drink alcohol or take illegal drugs. The problem is over eating, that is the diffuculty.
Can you imagine how difficult it would be to tell an alcoholic you can drink but only 3 small drinks a day, or telling a heroin addict you can only have a small amount of your drug. They would never give it up.
If fat people could give up food completely and stay alive, there would be no fat people. The trouble is human beings need food to convert to sugars to stay alive. There is no one solution because every person is different. Each person has to find his/her own way.